just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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