just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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