He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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