I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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