the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize