When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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