I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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