If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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