people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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