so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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