He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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