it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize