I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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