you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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