I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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