I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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