i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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