I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize