Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize