Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My life is pants optional.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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