We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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