Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
God, I missed his penis.
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