I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
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I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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