why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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