she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize