just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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