i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize