Fine. I'll sleep in my office
please come you make the beer taste better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize