I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize