Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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