maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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