can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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