Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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