I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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