so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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