Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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