these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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