Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize