the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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