pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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