She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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