Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
