honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize