he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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