people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
from now on my penis is your penis
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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