sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize