the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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