I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize