Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize