They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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